Still Offended

(Note: The thoughts contained in this message and last week's come from The Bait of Satan by John Bevere)

Last week we established that most of us have every reason to be offended. We have suffered every sort of wrong, no matter who we are or what we’ve done (or not done) to deserve this treatment. The worst pain comes when the offense was done by someone close to us, and often, when we’ve been wronged, we begin to build up around ourselves walls for self-preservation. Unfortunately these walls don’t end up protecting us; they end up isolating us and keeping us from growing and maturing. Often God uses those difficult circumstances to shape us into the person He is calling us to become, and when we simply run away from them, we not only miss out on the blessings God has for us, but we are actually sinning against God. This is exactly what Satan wants us to do; pick up the bait he has set out for us and end up trapped in a stronghold. Most of us have experienced those times when our very foundation is shaken; sometimes God himself does the shaking. God shakes for five reasons: To bring something closer to its foundation; to remove what is dead; to harvest what is ripe; to awaken; to unify or mix together so it can no longer be separated.

This shaking will remove all self-confidence and independence. What remains will be God’s sure foundation. There are many people who have come to the altar, said the sinner’s prayer, attended church, studied their Bible, but if they don’t know who Jesus really is, when disappointment occurs, they are offended with God and will have nothing to do with him. “God never did anything for me!” They fall away, offended, because they have no foundation.

Our sure foundation must be Jesus Christ. This is what the Sovereign Lord says: “See, I lay a stone in Zion, a tested stone, a precious cornerstone for a sure foundation; the one who trusts will never be dismayed.”(Isaiah 28:16) Jesus Christ is our foundation, and as long as that is true, we can build. If our foundation is anything else, it will crumble. The trials and tests we face don’t make us. They locate us. They determine the true condition of our hearts and the trustworthiness of our foundation.

With Jesus Christ as our foundation, we can move from taking Satan’s bait of offense and instead live our Christ’s redemptive mission in our world. Jesus offers us the way: through the radical steps of forgiveness and reconciliation.

Jesus really meant what he said: “If you do not forgive, neither will your Father in heaven forgive your trespasses.” (Mark 11:26) Do we really want God to forgive us in the manner we have forgiven? Before we jump to forgive others, first ask God’s forgiveness for withholding forgiveness! Peter asked Jesus how many times they should forgive someone who sinned against him – up to seven times? (Just as an aside, he was being generous). Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.” He goes on to relate a story about two servants.

The first servant owed his master ten thousand talents, meaning millions of dollars. Because he couldn’t pay his master back, the master ordered that he, his wife and children, and everything they had, be sold to repay the debt. “The servant fell on his knees before him. ‘Be patient with me,’ he begged, ‘and I will pay back everything.’ The servant’s master took pity on him, canceled the debt and let him go.”(Matthew 18:26-27)

“But when that servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred denarii (a few dollars). He grabbed him and began to choke him. ‘Pay back what you owe me!’ he demanded. (Matthew 18:28)

Though the second servant begged, because he could not pay back the debt, the first servant had him thrown in prison. The other servants saw what happened and they reported back to the master. “Then the master called the servant in. ‘You wicked servant,’ he said, ‘I canceled all that debt of yours because you begged me to. Shouldn’t you have had mercy on your fellow servant just as I had on you?’ In anger his master turned him over to the jailers to be tortured, until he should pay back all he owed.” (Matthew 18:32-34)

Jesus ends with a zinger: “This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother from your heart.”

Is there any doubt that God calls us to forgive? We know we are supposed to forgive, but did you ever think that the unforgiveness that you hold is sinful? We all have people in our lives who are somewhat easy to forgive, but God calls us to love our enemies. Why? Because this is God’s character, as God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. (Romans 5:8)

And the debts others owe to us are in no way comparable to the debt we owe to God. God has forgiven our million dollar debts… how have we responded to the debts that others owe to us?

Did you notice how the parable ends? The unforgiving servant is turned over to be tortured. Honestly, living in unforgiveness is torture itself. People are often unable to receive healing when they won’t release others and forgive them. Many mental issues are tied to bitter unforgiveness. John Bevere asserts that doctors have even linked unforgiveness and bitterness to diseases such as arthritis and cancer. Furthermore, the servant has to pay off the original debt. God the Father will do the same for any believer who does not forgive a brother’s offense. Why would God require this of us? Because when we withhold forgiveness, we are in fact standing in judgment over them. We are playing God. We are saying that Jesus died for my sins, but he’s not sufficient for yours.

You can’t have it both ways!

If you are feeling put on the spot here, please know that this is a message of mercy and warning, not harsh judgment. I’m not trying to cause guilt and shame if you haven’t forgiven someone. I know how hard it is. I have been betrayed, and I know it’s hard.

Satan wants us to sit in judgment over others, withholding forgiveness from them. He reminds us of the pain they caused us. He reminds us of the wrongs they’ve done again and again. When someone has been hurt by someone else, human justice says “They will stand trial for what they’ve done and pay if found guilty.”  God is the Judge, and He will pronounce righteous judgment, repaying everyone according to His righteousness.

So how do we escape the trap of revenge and unforgiveness? First of all, know that it takes effort. Think about it this way: every exercise regimen tells you to check with your doctor before you start. If you have been exercising regularly, you probably won’t get injured. But if your muscles are out of shape, you’re prone to injury. If you aren’t used to reconciliation, it’s going to hurt when you start.

Ask the Holy Spirit to change your heart. You have to start with a willing heart. If your heart isn’t willing to forgive, your responsibility is to allow the Holy Spirit to transform you.

The next step to healing is to recognize and admit that you are hurt. I told you last week about a colleague who betrayed me. I was sure that I was over it, because I had forgiven him, but the truth was, I was still hurt. I allowed my pride to get in the way: I am a pastor. Of course I forgave him. I’m over it! But I wasn’t over it, because I was not where God wanted me to be. God was actually calling me to love this person. Jesus says “Love your enemy and pray for those who persecute you.” (Matthew 5:44)

When you have forgiven, God calls you to take it a step deeper, to pray for the person who has hurt you. I didn’t say “if” you have forgiven. If you are a Christian, you must forgive.  But that’s not the last step. It’s only the first step.

In Psalm 35, we see King David dealing with people who are fighting with him. In verses 11-12, ruthless witnesses are accusing him falsely. They repay me evil for good and leave my soul forlorn. But look how David responds: Yet when they were ill, I put on sackcloth and humbled myself with fasting. When my prayers returned to me unanswered, I went about mourning as though for my friend or brother. I bowed my head in grief as though weeping for my mother. (Psalm 35:13-14)

This is an amazing scene. David’s enemies are bent on attacking him, yet when they are sick, he is mourning over their illnesses. This is what I learned that my response needed to be regarding my former colleague. So I began praying for him. I’ll admit that my early prayers weren’t all that godly. “Lord, give him what he deserves” wasn’t exactly sackcloth or mourning for my friend or brother. But as I continued to pray, my heart began to change, and I started to actually pray for him. I was finally led to send him a short e-mail, and though you can’t really read the emotion of e-mail, I know he was pleased but shocked to have received what I sent him.

It is hard to get to the place where you actually want to love someone who hurt you, but hard places always come in our journey with the Lord. They are part of His process of perfecting us, and running from them will only hinder our growth. I’ve seen a lot of people in this community who have been hurt and have refused to forgive, let alone love the person who wronged them. This only leads to bitterness and pain. But as we overcome different obstacles, we become stronger and more compassionate, and we also learn obedience to God through the things we suffer. Remember that it isn’t easy. It’s kind of like rowing against the current; I grew up doing a lot of canoeing, and when we first started out, we would paddle upstream and then turn around and return with the current. It is hard to paddle against the current; if you want to get upstream, you have to continuously paddle if you want to progress against the flow of the river. Likewise with loving the unlovely; you will have to continually work at it.

In the middle of the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus starts out one section by saying, “You have heard that it was said to the people long ago, ‘Do not murder, and anyone who murders will be subject to judgment.’ But I tell you that anyone who is angry with his brother will be subject to judgment.” (Matthew 5:21-22) Jesus is serious about how we deal with our anger. He says it can lead to judgment and eventually to Hell.

The other side of this is that if we have caused someone to be angry with us, we are leaving them in danger of hell. Let me pause for a moment and say that it doesn’t matter at this point whether you were in the right or wrong. Which is more important, to prove to the world that you were right, or to restore a stumbling brother or sister? Maybe the person we have offended believes we were injust in our treatment when really we did nothing wrong. Maybe the person has accurate information but has drawn an inaccurate conclusion. You see, we often judge ourselves by our intentions and everyone else by their actions. Or maybe we did sin against the person.

No matter what caused it, this offended person’s understanding is darkened. For whatever reason he feels this way, we must be willing to humble ourselves and apologize. Reconcile even if the offense is not your fault!

I need to interject here that there are times when a physical reconciliation is not a good idea. When the person is abusive, don’t put yourself back into that situation. Also, if it was a former love interest and you’ve both moved on, it might not be a good idea to put yourself back into a situation that might cause temptation. And sometimes the person we offended has died or is somewhere that we can’t get in touch with them. I would suggest in this case to write a letter apologizing, even if you can’t send it. And you can still pray for the person who you can’t get in touch with.

But when you are in touch with someone who is offended, don’t go to them with an attitude of frustration, and don’t go in defending yourself. This won’t promote peace and often only fuels more offense. It’s going to take a lot of humility to keep your mouth shut and let them say what they need to say. Even if you don’t agree, let them know that you respect what they have said. Ask the Holy Spirit to search your attitude and intentions; maybe there is something in there that God needs to work on. Nevertheless, an apology is in order, and not one of those fake, cheap apologies that doesn’t mean anything, the “I’m sorry you were offended” ones. Even if you didn’t meant to hurt them, it’s appropriate to tell them, “I never meant to hurt you, but I obviously did, and I am sorry.”  Sometimes they are accurate, and it takes humility to admit, “You are right. I ask your forgiveness.” Godly wisdom is willing to yield.

What happens when you are the one who has been offended? Matthew 18 gives us the route to take; first go to your brother and show him his fault and if he hears you, you have gained your brother. If he won’t listen, take one or two others with you. If that won’t work, tell it to the church, and if he won’t even listen to the church, treat him as a pagan or tax collector. Remember that this isn’t for condemnation but for reconciliation.

God’s goodness leads us to repent. His love doesn’t leave us condemned to hell. He proved his love by sending Jesus to die for us, to reconcile us to Him. Remember, don’t go to a brother who has offended you until you have decided to forgive him from your heart, no matter how he responds to you. If we keep the love of God as our motivation, we will not fail. Love never fails.

Jesus proclaims: Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God. (Matthew 5:9) – remember that he doesn’t say “peacekeepers” there - peacekeepers will avoid confrontation at all costs to maintain peace, even at the risk of compromising truth, but the peace he maintains is not true peace. It is touchy and superficial peace that will not last. Peacemakers, on the other hand, will go in love and confront, bringing truth so that the resulting reconciliation will endure.

This is how God behaves with humankind. He is not willing that any should perish, but he will not compromise truth for a relationship. He seeks reconciliation with true commitment, not on superficial terms.

Are you ready to take action?

First: Ask the Holy Spirit to walk with you through your past, bringing before you and people against whom you have held something. Stay quiet before Him as he shows you who they are. Don’t hunt for something that is not there; he will clearly bring them up to where you will not doubt it. Then, as you release the people from blame, picture them individually and forgive individually and personally. Cancel the debt they owe.

Pray this prayer: Father, in the Name of Jesus, I acknowledge that I have sinned against You by not forgiving those who have offended me. I repent of this and ask Your forgiveness.  I also acknowledge my inability to forgive them apart from You. Therefore, from my heart I choose to forgive [insert name]. I bring under the blood of Jesus all that they have done wrong to me. They no longer owe me anything. I remit their sins against me. Heavenly Father, as my Lord Jesus asked You to forgive those who had sinned against Him, I pray that Your forgiveness will come to those who have sinned against me. I ask that You will bless them and lead them into a closer relationship with You. I pray in Jesus’ Name. Amen.

Write the names of the people you have released in a journal and record the date.

You may have to exercise to stay free from offense. Make a commitment to pray for them as you would pray for yourself. If thoughts continue to bombard your mind, cast them down with the Word of God and declare your decision to forgive. When you know your heart is strong and settled, go to them for the purpose of reconciliation for their benefit.