I'm Offended

(Note: The thoughts contained in this message and next week's come from The Bait of Satan by John Bevere)

I grew up watching a lot of action movies. The general plot of every action movie in the mid to late 1980s was the same: bad guys do bad things. The good guy is usually reluctant but eventually is brought into the action, usually after something bad has happened to him, his friends, or his family. He is thus “forced” to come in and get revenge.

There is something that just seems “right” about this kind of story. When we are wronged, we need justice. This is intentional; it is because God wired us this way. God made us in his own image, and our God is a God who requires justice; it is part of his Holy character. So when we desire justice, we are, at some level, reflecting God’s character.

Unfortunately, going all Chuck Norris on someone is not what God had in mind. But the draw of these action movies is clear; most of us have been wronged at some point or another, and we have often been left wanting revenge. In Ecclesiastes 7:15, the teacher writes: In this meaningless life of mine I have seen both of these: a righteous man perishing in righteousness, and a wicked man living long in his wickedness. Have any of you seen this?

We have all experienced wrongs. We have all been offended. And Satan often uses those offenses as bait to trap us. In his book The Bait of Satan, John Bevere writes about this usually hidden trap, what he calls “one of the most deceptive and insidious kinds of bait” that Satan uses. Because we are wired to require justice, when we don’t see justice in our lives, we tend to pick up the bait, consume it, and allow it to gain root in our hearts, and we become offended. I don’t know anyone who has never been offended. That’s just part of life. But if we remain in the state of offense, we produce negative fruit like hurt, anger, outrage, jealousy, resentment, strife, bitterness, hatred, and envy. The unfortunate thing is many people don’t realize where this comes from or its terrible effects.

In Luke 17:1, Jesus tells his disciples, “Things that cause people to sin are bound to come.” The King James Version renders the phrase “things that cause people to sin” as “offenses.” He says “It is impossible that no offenses will come.” In my short time in ministry, I have seen that played out over and over again. Whether it’s people in ministry leaving the ministry because of how they have been hurt or church members experiencing pain, that seems to be one constant in the church. The worst part is that it is usually fellow Christians who have inflicted the pain. How much more painful is it when the one who hurt you is not some random stranger or even a non-Christian, from whom we expect to receive persecution, but from a fellow brother or sister… In Psalm 55:12-14, King David laments, “For it is not an enemy who reproaches me; then I could bear it. Nor is it one who hates me who has exalted himself against me; then I could hide from him. But it was you, a man my equal, my companion and my acquaintance. We took sweet counsel together, and walked to the house of God in the throng.”

Truly, the worst offenses are from those who have been closest to you. “You find the greatest hatred among people who were once close.” I sometimes watch true mystery shows on TV, like 48 Hours Mysteries, and it always seems like the guilty party is the spouse or significant other. Everyone knows the old adage “sticks and stones can break my bones, but words will never hurt me,” but the truth is, if those words come from someone close to you, they hurt worse than any stick or stone. Only those you care about can hurt you, and the more you expect from someone, the greater the potential for hurt.

Although Jesus made it clear that it is impossible to avoid offenses, we are frequently surprised, even shocked, when it happens to us. It can seem like we’re the only one who has been hurt by a fellow believer. That often causes isolation or bitterness, and our response determines our future.

The Greek word (that we translate “offend” in Luke 17) is skandalon. Its literal meaning is the part of the trap that bait was attached to. So when Jesus says that offenses will come, he is talking about laying a trap in someone’s way. Who is laying this trap? This is one of Satan’s most deceptive and tricky snares. In 2 Timothy 2:24-26, Paul writes that A servant of the Lord must not quarrel but be gentle to all, able to teach, patient, in humility correcting those who are in opposition, if God perhaps will grant them repentance, so that they may know the truth, and that they may come to their senses and escape the snare (entrapment) of the devil, having been taken captive to do his will.

Satan’s goal is to take us captive to do his will. When we succumb to the offenses that Satan throws in our way, he does exactly that. You might be thinking, “But I have every right to be offended!” You probably do. I have no doubt that you have been wronged. Or you might be thinking, “Well, I’m not offended, and I’m offended that you’re claiming that I am!” It can be hard to see where those bars of captivity are – most of us have blind spots that are hard to navigate ourselves.

John Bevere says that there are two categories into which all offended people fall: those who have been treated unjustly and those who believe they have been treated unjustly. Those in the second category have often drawn their conclusions from inaccurate information or their information is accurate but their conclusion is distorted.

In a former ministry, I was betrayed by a colleague. It was extremely painful, and it took me a long time to even want to forgive him. After I’d forgiven him, if you would mention his name, I would still seethe inside. Then I wondered, “Did I really forgive him?” But I felt like I was justified in holding a grudge against him. I now knew what his character was, and I was the obvious victim. I was mistreated. Therefore I felt justified in telling others all about this guy. Honestly most of it was gossip. But I felt completely justified; after all, I was the injured party!

And don’t we have the right to be offended? Let’s take a look back in the Old Testament, at Joseph. In Genesis 37, Joseph gloated to his brothers about how much his father preferred him to them, and he told them about his dreams in which they were bowing down to him. So they despised him. Because of this, they sold him into slavery. Joseph had every “right” to be offended, didn’t he? No matter what his attitude had been, his brothers had no right to do to him what they did. Many of us have experienced wrongs as well. How many of us say things like

·         It’s my parents’ fault I am so messed up.

·         If it weren’t for that teacher in school, I would have followed my dreams and wouldn’t have ended up stuck where I am now.

·         If it weren’t for my ex, my kids and I wouldn’t have all this financial trouble.

·         If it weren’t for all the gossip in the church, I would still be in ministry…

If you are offended, remember this: there is nobody who can snatch you away from God’s will. No man, woman, child, or even the devil has the power to take God away from you. Only God holds your destiny. In Genesis 37:20, it is clear what Joseph’s brothers’ intentions were. “Let’s kill him, throw his body in a well, and say that a wild animal ate him” isn’t exactly unclear. But when Joseph is finally reunited with his brothers, listen to how he responds: “It was not you who sent me, but God.” (Genesis 45:8) Joseph had every opportunity to get revenge on his brothers for their treatment of him. Many people would have sat in that prison, the whole time growing more and more bitter, waiting, just waiting for revenge. One of my favorite comedians of all time is Bill Cosby. One routine I loved was his skit “Revenge” in which his friend Junior Barnes hit him with a slush ball. He plotted revenge, making the perfect snowball and sticking it in the freezer. When Junior Barnes was least suspecting, Bill went to the freezer to get the snowball… only to find that his mother had thrown it away.

Revenge isn’t sweet. It is bitter. It only sows more seeds of bitterness. Listen to the words from Proverbs 18:19: A brother offended is harder to win than a strong city, and contentions are like the bars of a castle. When we’ve been offended, a natural response is to construct walls around our hearts to prevent future wounds. We open ourselves only to those who we believe are “on our side” only to find that they are often offended as well. Instead of protecting ourselves, we lock ourselves in prisons. Then our focus turns inward, guarding our rights and personal relationships carefully, our energy consumed with making sure no future injuries occur. The difference between “others focused” and “inward focused” is like the difference between the Sea of Galilee and the Dead Sea. The Sea of Galilee is living, because it has water running into it and out of it. It receives and gives. The Dead Sea is dead because it only receives. It doesn’t have anywhere for water to run out of it. And when we are inward focused, out of our fear, we do not give, and we become stagnant, and those protective walls become strongholds.

We often hold on to our offense as a means of self-preservation. We’re just protecting ourselves from being hurt again. Building walls does not actually protect us, however, because it simply keeps us from seeing our own flaws. There is always someone outside the walls who can be blamed; it couldn’t be me. Then we never have to face our role in the situation, our immaturity, or our own sins, because all we see is our offender’s fault.

Did you ever think that God might have allowed you to experience this to develop godly character? God doesn’t grow the Fruit of the Spirit in a vacuum; He builds the Fruit in willing soil. God’s plan often causes us to face hurts and attitudes we don’t want to face. Since we don’t want to face them, we run away from the very thing that will bring strength and healing to our lives. Refusing to deal with an offense will not free us from the problem; it will only give us temporary relief. The root of the problem remains untouched.

So we lock ourselves into strongholds and offense grows. In Matthew 24:10, Jesus shows how offense progresses: “Many will be offended, will betray one another, and will hate one another.” It starts with offense, which grows to betrayal, and finally blooms with hatred.

If you are offended and unwilling to forgive, you are sinning. If you refuse to repent of this sin, you are not walking in the truth. You are deceived and living like a hypocrite. The problem is that if we don’t risk being hurt, we cannot give unconditional love, because unconditional love gives others the right to hurt us.

When you sow the love of God, you will reap the love of God, though not always from the field you sowed in or as quickly as you’d like.  This means if the person who you give love to doesn’t return love, you are freed up to love that person even more. “If more Christians recognized this, they wouldn’t give up and become offended. Usually this is not the type of love we walk in. We walk in a selfish love that is easily disappointed when our expectations are not met.” (John Bevere, p. 15 )

I remember shortly after I got here, someone told me, “This place isn’t as perfect as you think it is!” I didn’t think it was perfect, and I’m glad; otherwise there wouldn’t be any room for me, and we wouldn’t need Jesus’ grace. But in this imperfect organization called the church, it’s good to remember that churches are not cafeterias. Many want to pick and choose what they want – to stay as long as there are no problems. In 1 Corinthians 12:18, Paul write: “But in fact God has arranged the parts of the body, every one of them, just as he wanted them to be.”

Rather than face the difficulties and maintain hope, some people run to where there appear to be no conflict. When we don’t face our conflicts head-on, we usually leave offended. Some people look for a perfect pastor – keep looking. Jesus is the only perfect pastor (and he saved his harshest words for church people!)

Psalm 92:13 tells us that Those who are planted in the house of the Lord shall flourish in the courts of our God. If you keep transplanting a plant every three weeks, it will die. If someone keeps jumping from ministry to ministry, blaming the leadership or the other people around them, they are blind to their own character flaws and do not realize that God wanted to refine and mature them through the pressure they were under.

There are many of us who have been hurt, and we are just waiting for an apology and admission that the other party was wrong. Waiting for an apology leads us to bondage to human justice. Let’s look for a moment at how Jesus offers forgiveness. Jesus didn’t wait for us to say “I was wrong. Forgive me.” – he forgave us from the cross.

This is the beginning of our healing as well. Jesus likens the condition of our hearts to soil; ground will only produce what is planted in it. If we plant seeds of debt, unforgiveness, and offense, then instead of the love of God, the root of bitterness will spring up. If a root is nurtured – watered, protected, fed, and given attention – it will increase in depth and strength. When I was in elementary and middle school, I took piano lessons. My family couldn’t afford the lessons, so we worked out a deal; my brother and I did yard work for Mrs. Moore. I thought that was going to be simple, but Mrs. Moore had a perfect yard. How did she keep it perfect? By having me and my brother pull up every weed by its root. If you don’t deal with a root quickly, it’s hard to pull up. Likewise with bitterness; the longer you ignore it, the stronger it will become and the harder your heart will become. In Hebrews 12:14-15, we read: Pursue peace with all people, and holiness, without which no one will see the Lord: looking carefully lest anyone fall short of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up cause trouble, and by this many become defiled.

This is why Paul tells the church in Ephesus: Do not let the sun go down on your anger (Ephesians 4:26b)

How do we get rid of the root of bitterness? Next week we will look more closely at forgiveness and reconciliation, but before we can get there, we have to realize that the only way to get out the root of bitterness is to examine our hearts and open ourselves up to the correction of the Lord, for only His Word can discern the thoughts and intentions of our hearts.

Remember that we have the Holy Spirit within us. We don’t just have a little bit of God; we have all of Him in the Person of the Holy Spirit. But we need to get real with Him. We have to allow the Holy Spirit to transform us, but He won’t do that without our permission. Start by asking Him to reveal to you your part. What can you own? Where have your own character flaws been revealed by your reaction to someone else?

If you are anything like me, you might not want to let go of your hurts. After all, nobody has stepped up to apologize. If that’s where you are, I suggest changing the tone of your prayer. Pray that you will want to want to heal, to let go of hurts, to tear down the strongholds of bitterness and offense.

Next week we will continue on forgiveness and reconciliation.