Talking to God: Forgiving Others

Last week we looked at God’s forgiveness. How it is God’s character from which forgiveness flows. Because of who God is, and because of what Jesus did for us, God grants us forgiveness. God’s grace is not cheap. He has consistently blessed his people to be a blessing to others. And when God forgives us, he links his forgiveness to how we forgive others. 

For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins. (Matthew 6:14-15)

So God requires us to forgive. In Matthew 18:21, when Peter asked Jesus how many times he should forgive someone who sins against him, He generously suggested seven times. The rabbis said three times was enough. If someone wronged you, you were expected to forgive them three times. But Peter was more generous. He suggested up to seven times, the perfect number of completion. But Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.” (Matthew 18:22)

Then he told a parable about a king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants. One servant owed him thousands of dollars, years and years wages. He was not able to pay, so the master ordered that he and his family and everything they had be sold to repay the debt. The servant begged him to relent, and the master took pity on him and canceled the debt. But when the same servant went out and found a fellow servant who owed him a few kwacha, he choked him and beat him and demanded his money. When the fellow servant couldn’t pay, he had him thrown into prison until he could repay the debt.

In Matthew 18:32-35, Jesus finishes. “Then the master called the servant in. ‘You wicked servant,’ he said, ‘I canceled all that debt of yours because you begged me to. Shouldn’t you have had mercy on your fellow servant just as I had on you?’ In anger his master handed him over to the jailers to be tortured, until he should pay back all he owed. This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother or sister from your heart.”

Many times we expect someone else to make the first move, to make things right first, and then we will forgive them, but Jesus demonstrates that our forgiveness of others stems from God’s forgiveness of us. Because God forgave us a debt that we could not pay, we are to forgive others.

There is no question about God’s will in forgiveness. God wills his followers to forgive others. If you do not forgive, you are disobeying God. Plain and simple. But I recognize that it is not simple to forgive.

I recognize that for most of us, forgiveness does not come naturally. I had an experience with a colleague where he had wronged me and I had no intention of forgiving him. After all, he was the one who had wronged me! But forgiving someone does not mean we excuse the person who wronged us. Instead, we admit that we were hurt. They were wrong. We do not have to tolerate the wrong they did in order to forgive. We don’t have to understand why they did it, and we don’t have to forget what they did. And most of all, we do not have to invite them to hurt us once again. Forgiveness does not always mean reconciliation. Sometimes reunion is impossible, and sometimes it is harmful. 

While the best possible outcome would be for restoration, sometimes that does not happen. You see, forgiveness is not always about the interaction with the other person. It is an internal change of heart, by which we take the evil that has been done to us and we relinquish our right to revenge. We give it up to God, but we do not surrender our right for justice. Vengeance is mine, says the Lord.

So, how do we forgive? Forgiveness starts with us wanting to forgive. In the case I told you about earlier, when my colleague wronged me, I didn’t want to forgive him. But in my prayers, I asked God to help me want to want to forgive him. It was shortly after that when I was able to do so, and after that, I found my feelings changing. I was in a place where I despised him. I got angry even just to hear his name. But as I prayed, I found that hatred diminishing. I stopped praying that bad things would happen to him, and I found those wishes diminishing. Soon I started praying that good things happen to him. But the desire for this change didn’t come from me. It came from the Holy Spirit.

We all must remember this about forgiveness: It is not optional. It is a command from God. And God tells us that he will dispense forgiveness in the same manner as we do. But  besides that, forgiveness is good all in itself. 

Forgiveness is a sign that you are truly a Christian. When we don’t, we set ourselves up as the judge and the jury. Essentially, we set ourselves up as above God. But forgiveness is an act of trust in God, that God will deliver justice, that we don’t have to. We imitate Jesus Christ’s example; even as he was being crucified, he said, “Father, forgive them” (Luke 23:34). 

Forgiveness further frees our conscience of guilt. Unforgiveness interferes with peace of mind happiness, satisfaction, and even proper functioning of the body. This gives Satan a foothold in our hearts.

Forgiveness benefits the entire church. The Holy Spirit does not work freely among those who carry grudges and harbor resentment. Psalm 66:18 reminds us that “If I had cherished sin in my heart, the Lord would not have listened.” Sometimes we wonder why our prayers aren’t answered, and meanwhile, we are harboring unforgiveness in our hearts. 

And when we forgive, we activate God’s forgiveness. God deals with us as we deal with others, so he instructs us to forgive others as freely and graciously as God forgives us.

MacArthur, J. F., Jr. (1995). Alone with God (pp. 106–108). Wheaton, IL: Victor Books.

God created us to be in right relationship with Him and thus in right relationship with others. When we withhold forgiveness, we break relationship, not only with other people, but also with God. But when we forgive, we restore relationship with God. Whether the relationship with the other person is restored is partially up to them, but we have done our part, our Christian duty. And God rewards it every time.