Today is the Day to Forgive the Deep Hurt
The closer the person, the worse the pain. There is nothing that hurts like the pain suffered at the hand of a friend or family member. Have you ever been hurt? Badly? The kind of hurt that leaves scars for the rest of your life?
All of a sudden, this was Joe Jacobson’s life. There he was, in a slave auction. Didn’t they know that he was his father’s favorite son? Didn’t they know that God Himself had made a promise to Joe’s great-grandfather? Yet here he was, being sold as a slave in Egypt.
I want you to fast forward a few years. Joe is now in prison for a crime he did not commit. He actually had things pretty good for a while, bought by the captain of Pharaoh’s guard, helping that house to prosper. But his master’s wife tried to seduce him, and though Joe did the right thing, he was still accused and who’s going to take the word of a foreign slave over the wife of the captain of the guard? And now he is in the dungeon. He even helped out two of Pharaoh’s officials, but what had that gotten him? Forgotten. I can imagine how his mind would wander back to the day his father gave him that special robe, how Jacob’s eyes had glimmered, almost tearing up as he presented his favorite son with this most beautiful gift. And how proud he was to wear it. But that memory is quickly overshadowed by the memory of his brothers, his brothers, tearing it to shreds. Those questions still rise up: why, God? Why did they do this to me?
Still God is with him, even if he doesn’t really know what that means. As we fast forward another 15 years, Joe is now almost 40, and he wakes up surrounded by luxury. He reflects over the past years, about Potiphar, his former master, and how powerful he used to seem. Now he, Joe Jacobson, the former slave, the one whose brothers hated him so much, he is now second in command over all of Egypt, the most powerful nation in the world! He is dressed to the nines, yet, his thoughts go back to that robe, the one his dad gave him, and though his current clothes are so much more expensive, so much more stylish, tears well up again. He hasn’t thought that much about his dad, about his brothers; it’s too painful to deal with. Now he’s inundated with work, apportioning out the grain to the starving world. The grain that Egypt had because he, Joe Jacobson, had interpreted Pharaoh’s dream. Well, God had done it through him. And Egypt had kept grain. All day, every day, Joe kept track of what was being given and sold, and continuously people from Egypt and all the surrounding nations came to him to buy grain. And then he saw them. They were older now, not nearly so fierce and intimidating, but they were unmistakable. He would never forget their faces or the last time he’d seen them. He remembered that moment like it had just happened, them watching the caravan take him away, his pleading with them: don’t do this! Don’t let this happen!
Finally, after 22 years there they are, completely at his mercy. Joe is so shocked by this that he disguises himself and pretends not to recognize them. It’s clear that they don’t recognize him. I want you to put yourself in Joe’s position. What would you do? Would you turn them away? You’ve got that authority. Or do you throw them in prison? Or have them beheaded? Their very lives are in your hands. Imagine the people who ruined your life, and now their lives are in your hands – you have total power over them. What would you do? How would you respond?
In Matthew 18, Jesus told a parable about a man, a servant, who owed his master millions of dollars. He had no way of paying the master back, so he begged the master to be patient; he would pay back everything. The servant’s master took pity on him, canceled the debt, and let him go. (Matthew 18:27). So the servant goes out and finds his fellow servant, who owes him a debt of the equivalent of a few dollars. He chokes him and demands payment and has him thrown into prison until the debt is paid. "Then the master called the servant in. 'You wicked servant,' he said, 'I canceled all that debt of yours because you begged me to. Shouldn't you have had mercy on your fellow servant just as I had on you?' In anger his master turned him over to the jailers to be tortured, until he should pay back all he owed.
So put yourself in Joe’s position. What do you do? Now you are in charge. You have the power over the ones who hurt you so much. What would you do? It’s hard to say what we would do, but it’s clear what happened with Joe. He forgave his brothers. Through tears, he said this to them (as reported in Genesis 45:4-5) "I am your brother Joseph, the one you sold into Egypt! And now, do not be distressed and do not be angry with yourselves for selling me here, because it was to save lives that God sent me ahead of you. Through tears, he kissed his brothers, forgiving them completely. Indeed, after their father died, Joseph’s brothers came to him, trembling with fear, thinking, “He probably remembers what we did to him and he’s just been waiting until our father Jacob dies and then we’re toast.” But here’s what happened. (Genesis 50:19-21) But Joseph said to them, "Don't be afraid. Am I in the place of God? You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives. So then, don't be afraid. I will provide for you and your children." And he reassured them and spoke kindly to them.
Instead of holding a grudge, instead of paying them back, even giving them what they deserved, he chose to bless them.
So, how do we get there? You first have to learn to live with your past. For Joseph, this meant analyzing what had happened, but not dwelling on it. He was clear on it; he knew it wasn’t a mistake – his brothers didn’t accidentally throw him in a well and sell him into slavery. He knew they meant him harm. Did you hear his words? He knew what was going on. “You intended to harm me” (Genesis 50:20). Understand what really happened. Don’t sugarcoat it. Some of you have had to face deep hurt in your life. Abandonment, abuse, cruelty. What happened is what happened. Joseph learned this lesson. If you are struggling with your past, perhaps a trained Christian counselor can help you. Read the “Emotional Health” messages back on the sermon website (just cruise over to http://brian-sermons.blogspot.com and on the left under where it says “labels”, click on “Emotional Health” and you’ll find them). Your emotional health is completely vital, and if you haven’t learned to deal with and live with your past, you are a ticking time bomb.
As you learn to live with your past, the second step is to learn to live in the present. Joseph didn’t spend his time moping about his treatment at the hands of his brothers. Again and again, even when he was in the dungeon, we read that the Lord was with him. Everything Joseph did prospered. He put all of himself into whatever he was doing. How was he able to do this? He understood that God and only God was the judge. When he finally met his brothers after all those years, this is how Joseph responded to them: (Genesis 50:19-20) But Joseph said to them, "Don't be afraid. Am I in the place of God? You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives. Did you notice the question he asked? Am I in the place of God? He gave authority to God, where it belonged. He recognized that judgment is God’s and God’s alone. In his book Total Forgiveness, R.T. Kendall writes,
Finally, we learn to dream about the future. Once we release judgment to God, it’s like we’ve shed a 200# backpack of the pain we’ve suffered. Now we can go ahead with life, with our dreams, with our goals. Joseph recognized this: Genesis 50:20 You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives. Joseph literally dreamed about the future. And he interpreted others’ dreams as well. He recognized that God could use him for something great. God had something awesome in store for him, something only he could accomplish. And I believe that’s true for each of us.
So why is it important to give God our deep hurt? First of all, it’s good for you. Do you want to become a bitter old man or woman who everyone is afraid of? Do you want to live a miserable life? Did you know that unforgiveness leads to physical ailments as well? Holding on to your pain will eat at you all your life. It can end up killing you!
Additionally, it’s good for others. I’m not even talking about the people who wronged you; chances are pretty good that they’re not giving you a second thought. It’s not like your classmates who called you “fatty” when you were in grade school are losing sleep over their insults. I’m talking about people you’re in relationship with now. I know people who were constantly picked on as children who have become bitter, mean people as adults. Nobody wants to be around them. But releasing the hurt? It releases you to become better friends, better brothers or sister, fathers or mothers, or children. Letting go of the deep hurt can be the first step to begin to heal your marriage, to become the person God intended you to be.
Finally, it’s important to give God our deep hurt because your life depends on it. Not just this mortal life, but eternal life. Jesus teaches us to pray “forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us” and he concludes the Lord’s Prayer with this admonition about forgiveness: For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive you. (Matthew 6:14-15).
This is the context we carry into Communion. Before anyone comes to the Table, contemplate what forgiveness we need to give. Then we will be free to accept the forgiveness that God gives us freely, without reservation, through Jesus’ gift on the Cross. Today is the day to forgive the deep hurt. Give it to God, who replaces it with peace.
Today I want to tell you the painful story of Joe Jacobson (yes, I took the name from Andy Stanley). Imagine a middle eastern teenager, only 17 years old. His brothers were tending their father’s sheep, and Joe’s dad, Jacob, sends him out to meet them to see if everything was well with them. Now you have to understand that Joe was his dad’s favorite and he had never exactly ingratiated himself with his brothers. He had already brought bad reports on them (basically tattled) and as the baby of the family, he was his father’s favorite. And he had those dreams. Dreams where his brothers were worshiping him. So anyway, he headed to find them. When he got there, he found that they had moved on an additional 10-15 miles. So he followed them until he found them.
When he finally finds them, his relief quickly turns to confusion. They’re huddled together, obviously discussing something intently. He expected a hesitant greeting but not what he got. A beating? From his brothers? Then he was being lifted, and his robe, the special one his dad had given him, was being ripped right off him. “Whoa, what’s going on? This is going too far!” Then they let him go –threw him down. Down, down. Then darkness. He could see light up above; he was in a cave of some kind, maybe even a dry well. The next thing he knew, he was being pulled back up. The joke has gone far enough. Maybe now they were going to apologize. But no, what’s this? A caravan? What’s going on? He realized that what his brothers meant to do. They were going to sell him to these Ishmaelites. As a slave.
All of a sudden, this was Joe Jacobson’s life. There he was, in a slave auction. Didn’t they know that he was his father’s favorite son? Didn’t they know that God Himself had made a promise to Joe’s great-grandfather? Yet here he was, being sold as a slave in Egypt.
I want you to fast forward a few years. Joe is now in prison for a crime he did not commit. He actually had things pretty good for a while, bought by the captain of Pharaoh’s guard, helping that house to prosper. But his master’s wife tried to seduce him, and though Joe did the right thing, he was still accused and who’s going to take the word of a foreign slave over the wife of the captain of the guard? And now he is in the dungeon. He even helped out two of Pharaoh’s officials, but what had that gotten him? Forgotten. I can imagine how his mind would wander back to the day his father gave him that special robe, how Jacob’s eyes had glimmered, almost tearing up as he presented his favorite son with this most beautiful gift. And how proud he was to wear it. But that memory is quickly overshadowed by the memory of his brothers, his brothers, tearing it to shreds. Those questions still rise up: why, God? Why did they do this to me?
Still God is with him, even if he doesn’t really know what that means. As we fast forward another 15 years, Joe is now almost 40, and he wakes up surrounded by luxury. He reflects over the past years, about Potiphar, his former master, and how powerful he used to seem. Now he, Joe Jacobson, the former slave, the one whose brothers hated him so much, he is now second in command over all of Egypt, the most powerful nation in the world! He is dressed to the nines, yet, his thoughts go back to that robe, the one his dad gave him, and though his current clothes are so much more expensive, so much more stylish, tears well up again. He hasn’t thought that much about his dad, about his brothers; it’s too painful to deal with. Now he’s inundated with work, apportioning out the grain to the starving world. The grain that Egypt had because he, Joe Jacobson, had interpreted Pharaoh’s dream. Well, God had done it through him. And Egypt had kept grain. All day, every day, Joe kept track of what was being given and sold, and continuously people from Egypt and all the surrounding nations came to him to buy grain. And then he saw them. They were older now, not nearly so fierce and intimidating, but they were unmistakable. He would never forget their faces or the last time he’d seen them. He remembered that moment like it had just happened, them watching the caravan take him away, his pleading with them: don’t do this! Don’t let this happen!
Finally, after 22 years there they are, completely at his mercy. Joe is so shocked by this that he disguises himself and pretends not to recognize them. It’s clear that they don’t recognize him. I want you to put yourself in Joe’s position. What would you do? Would you turn them away? You’ve got that authority. Or do you throw them in prison? Or have them beheaded? Their very lives are in your hands. Imagine the people who ruined your life, and now their lives are in your hands – you have total power over them. What would you do? How would you respond?
In Matthew 18, Jesus told a parable about a man, a servant, who owed his master millions of dollars. He had no way of paying the master back, so he begged the master to be patient; he would pay back everything. The servant’s master took pity on him, canceled the debt, and let him go. (Matthew 18:27). So the servant goes out and finds his fellow servant, who owes him a debt of the equivalent of a few dollars. He chokes him and demands payment and has him thrown into prison until the debt is paid. "Then the master called the servant in. 'You wicked servant,' he said, 'I canceled all that debt of yours because you begged me to. Shouldn't you have had mercy on your fellow servant just as I had on you?' In anger his master turned him over to the jailers to be tortured, until he should pay back all he owed.
"This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother from your heart."
So put yourself in Joe’s position. What do you do? Now you are in charge. You have the power over the ones who hurt you so much. What would you do? It’s hard to say what we would do, but it’s clear what happened with Joe. He forgave his brothers. Through tears, he said this to them (as reported in Genesis 45:4-5) "I am your brother Joseph, the one you sold into Egypt! And now, do not be distressed and do not be angry with yourselves for selling me here, because it was to save lives that God sent me ahead of you. Through tears, he kissed his brothers, forgiving them completely. Indeed, after their father died, Joseph’s brothers came to him, trembling with fear, thinking, “He probably remembers what we did to him and he’s just been waiting until our father Jacob dies and then we’re toast.” But here’s what happened. (Genesis 50:19-21) But Joseph said to them, "Don't be afraid. Am I in the place of God? You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives. So then, don't be afraid. I will provide for you and your children." And he reassured them and spoke kindly to them.
Instead of holding a grudge, instead of paying them back, even giving them what they deserved, he chose to bless them.
So, how do we get there? You first have to learn to live with your past. For Joseph, this meant analyzing what had happened, but not dwelling on it. He was clear on it; he knew it wasn’t a mistake – his brothers didn’t accidentally throw him in a well and sell him into slavery. He knew they meant him harm. Did you hear his words? He knew what was going on. “You intended to harm me” (Genesis 50:20). Understand what really happened. Don’t sugarcoat it. Some of you have had to face deep hurt in your life. Abandonment, abuse, cruelty. What happened is what happened. Joseph learned this lesson. If you are struggling with your past, perhaps a trained Christian counselor can help you. Read the “Emotional Health” messages back on the sermon website (just cruise over to http://brian-sermons.blogspot.com and on the left under where it says “labels”, click on “Emotional Health” and you’ll find them). Your emotional health is completely vital, and if you haven’t learned to deal with and live with your past, you are a ticking time bomb.
As you learn to live with your past, the second step is to learn to live in the present. Joseph didn’t spend his time moping about his treatment at the hands of his brothers. Again and again, even when he was in the dungeon, we read that the Lord was with him. Everything Joseph did prospered. He put all of himself into whatever he was doing. How was he able to do this? He understood that God and only God was the judge. When he finally met his brothers after all those years, this is how Joseph responded to them: (Genesis 50:19-20) But Joseph said to them, "Don't be afraid. Am I in the place of God? You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives. Did you notice the question he asked? Am I in the place of God? He gave authority to God, where it belonged. He recognized that judgment is God’s and God’s alone. In his book Total Forgiveness, R.T. Kendall writes,
“Total forgiveness is achieved only when we acknowledge what was done without any denial or covering up – and still refuse to make the offender pay for their crime. Total forgiveness is painful. It hurts when we kiss revenge goodbye. It hurts to think that the person is getting away with what they did and nobody else will ever find out. But when we know fully what they did, and accept in their hearts that they will be blessed without any consequences for their wrong, we cross over into a supernatural realm. We begin to be a little more like Jesus, to change into the image of Christ.”
Finally, we learn to dream about the future. Once we release judgment to God, it’s like we’ve shed a 200# backpack of the pain we’ve suffered. Now we can go ahead with life, with our dreams, with our goals. Joseph recognized this: Genesis 50:20 You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives. Joseph literally dreamed about the future. And he interpreted others’ dreams as well. He recognized that God could use him for something great. God had something awesome in store for him, something only he could accomplish. And I believe that’s true for each of us.
So why is it important to give God our deep hurt? First of all, it’s good for you. Do you want to become a bitter old man or woman who everyone is afraid of? Do you want to live a miserable life? Did you know that unforgiveness leads to physical ailments as well? Holding on to your pain will eat at you all your life. It can end up killing you!
Additionally, it’s good for others. I’m not even talking about the people who wronged you; chances are pretty good that they’re not giving you a second thought. It’s not like your classmates who called you “fatty” when you were in grade school are losing sleep over their insults. I’m talking about people you’re in relationship with now. I know people who were constantly picked on as children who have become bitter, mean people as adults. Nobody wants to be around them. But releasing the hurt? It releases you to become better friends, better brothers or sister, fathers or mothers, or children. Letting go of the deep hurt can be the first step to begin to heal your marriage, to become the person God intended you to be.
Finally, it’s important to give God our deep hurt because your life depends on it. Not just this mortal life, but eternal life. Jesus teaches us to pray “forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us” and he concludes the Lord’s Prayer with this admonition about forgiveness: For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive you. (Matthew 6:14-15).
This is the context we carry into Communion. Before anyone comes to the Table, contemplate what forgiveness we need to give. Then we will be free to accept the forgiveness that God gives us freely, without reservation, through Jesus’ gift on the Cross. Today is the day to forgive the deep hurt. Give it to God, who replaces it with peace.
Comments