Following Jesus' Example of Loving Well

6th message in our series: Putting the Pieces Together: a Journey toward mature discipleship*.

The next day the great crowd that had come for the Feast heard that Jesus was on his way to Jerusalem. They took palm branches and went out to meet him, shouting,
"Hosanna!"
"Blessed is he who comes in the name of the Lord!"
"Blessed is the King of Israel!"

Jesus found a young donkey and sat upon it, as it is written,
"Do not be afraid, O Daughter of Zion;
see, your king is coming,
seated on a donkey's colt."

At first his disciples did not understand all this. Only after Jesus was glorified did they realize that these things had been written about him and that they had done these things to him.

John 12:12-16

It is a fantastic scene: Jesus coming into Jerusalem triumphantly: for as humble as it may seem, this was the answer to prophecy from Zechariah 9:9 Rejoice greatly, O Daughter of Zion! Shout, daughter of Jerusalem! See, your king comes to you, righteous and having salvation, gentle and riding on a donkey, on a colt, the foal of a donkey.

Truth is, this text, when taken by itself, doesn’t lend itself well to a message on emotional health, especially on Jesus’ example of loving well. I actually struggled with the decision to include the Palm Sunday narrative at all or to fittingly focus Easter Sunday’s message on Jesus’ example of loving well. As it is, I decided to go ahead with both the Palm Sunday text as well as continuing the series on emotional health, because Jesus’ entry into Jerusalem is narrative indicative of his love.

There is a Native American saying that goes To truly understand other human beings, we must first walk a mile in their moccasins. There’s a great seminary word to describe what the Native Americans were talking about; that word is incarnation.

Mohandas Gandhi said, “I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ.”

St. Basil, bishop of Caesarea in the 4th Century said: “Annunciations are frequent, and incarnations are rare.” Meaning, bold announcements about what God is doing or saying are common, while people who follow Jesus’ humble way are much more difficult to find.

Part of our problem is that we Christians often announce what God is doing, but then we don’t live like Jesus. An emotionally healthy Christian doesn’t just tell what God is doing or saying, but acts on it. When she was in college, my sister had a guy tell her, “God told me we were going to get married.” My sister’s response was subtle: “That’s great! But until God tells me the same thing, get lost, creep!” (she told me to tell you that he wore horrible cologne and sprayed it in the vents of his car so it was a stinking, choking mess). The guy was long on declarations from the Lord, but he was short on the other aspects that she was looking for in a potential suitor.

We humans are looking for more than proclamation; we’re looking for God. That’s why sometimes you can go to a church service and hear an incredible sermon and go away feeling just as empty as when you came; because we want, we need to experience God as well as hear from him.

In his book The Holy Longing: The Search for a Christian Spirituality, Ronald Rolheiser writes:

There is a marvelous story told about a four-year old girl who awoke one night frightened – convinced that in the darkness around her there were all kinds of spooks and monsters. Alone, she ran to her parents’ bedroom. Her mother calmed her down and, taking her by the hand, led her back to her own room, where she put on a light and reassured the child with these words: “You needn’t be afraid, you are not alone here. God is in the room with you.”

She replied, “I know that God is here, but I need someone in this room who has some skin!”

God knew we needed his skin, not simply the knowledge that he is everywhere. Thus what it means to be a Christian can only be understood in light of the mystery of Jesus’ Incarnation: God took on flesh. John 1:14 is one of the most important verses you can ever learn: The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us.

People today are desperate for “skin”: to be loved, for someone to incarnate with them. They struggle silently: does anyone have any idea of what’s going on in your life? The pain, the agony, the loneliness? Does anybody care? God knew there was no better way to show himself to human beings than by fully entering our world – physically and emotionally.

And as God’s followers, we have been called to follow Jesus’ example of loving well. This is the final principle of emotionally healthy people because it progresses on the previous five messages:

1. We look beneath the surface of our lives so we can share parts of ourselves that we would otherwise never have explored.

2. We break the power of the past, because, having done so, we are able to probe and explore other people’s unique journey and defining moments.

3. Walking in brokenness and vulnerability, our defenses are down enough that we can go beyond surface relationships with others.

4. We receive the gift of limits and boundaries, which allows us to last in ministry.

5. Because we have grieved our own pain and loss, we are able to grieve with others theirs.

Incarnation calls out of the literal, physical comfort zones to meet people where they are. This may sound radical, because we are certainly called to be cross-cultural; but if you want to think radical, Jesus left heaven for earth!

In Philippians 2:3-5, the Apostle Paul writes this: Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others. Your attitude should be the same as Jesus Christ.

As the Native Americans said, “Walk a mile in their moccasins.” As we follow Jesus “incarnate.” Unfortunately, Our fast pace of life and our inability to say “no” to good things in order to say “yes” to the best thing has made it hard, if not impossible to do life together, let alone to serve one another as Jesus served us: He made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself and became obedient to death, even death on a cross.

Jesus’ example is this: putting others first, humbling himself, and obedience.

Putting others first is extremely hard. Henri Nouwen articulated the struggle: one voice says to succeed and achieve. Nouwen spent most of his life heeding this voice: teaching at Notre Dame, Harvard, and Yale, writing more than a book a year, with a speaking and ministry schedule that threatened to suffocate his spiritual life. The other voice was God’s, telling him he was unconditionally loved. He had nothing to prove. This voice told him the goal of ministry was to recognize the Lord’s voice, his face, and his touch in every person he met. Only in the last 10 years of his life, he said, did he truly listen to that second voice. With the ever-increasing demands on our busy lives, it is very difficult to hear that second voice.

If you want to enter someone else’s world, you must listen. Henri Nouwen said:

To care means first of all to be present to each other. From experience you know that those who care for you become present to you. When they listen, they listen to you. When they speak, they speak to you. Their presence is a healing presence because they accept you on your terms, and they encourage you to take your own life seriously.

In his book Caring Enough to Hear and Be Heard, David Augsburger wrote: “Being heard is so close to being loved that for the average person, they are almost indistinguishable.”

Are you a good listener? You’ve got a bulletin inserts with a listening quiz on it (if you want a copy of the listening quiz, ask for one in the comments with an e-mail address, and I'll send you one). Take it home and answer the questions on it; you might find out a thing or two. And if you’re really brave, ask a family member or friend to take the quiz… answering for you!

If you want to be a good listener, try reflective listening. The speaker has the floor; don’t go on and on. Listener repeats back to make sure that he/she understands what was said. Listener attempts to enter the world of the speaker, laying aside questions, agendas, defenses, and simply seeks to understand the other person’s experience. Validate the person; you don’t have to necessarily agree with them, but show understanding. Explore their answers: act like a reporter: “tell me more; help me understand.”

Next, to follow Jesus’ example, we must humble ourselves. Jesus did this by washing his disciples’ feet. In seminary, all of our core classes were titled: “the Servant as…” meaning that the emphasis in evangelism was to serve others. The emphasis of teaching was service. The emphasis of preaching… service. But many pastors have been trained to “teach and instruct” instead of “listen and learn” and there are not enough pastors to be personal pastor to every church member! That’s why we pastors aren’t the only ministers in the church; we, as the Church are called to be servants, to humble ourselves and be God’s hands and feet.

Know that humbling ourselves must come in the context of setting proper boundaries! In the scripture I read today, Jesus entered into Jerusalem in kingly fashion, fulfilling the prophecy of Zechariah. In Luke’s account (19:39-40), some of the Pharisees in the crowd said to Jesus, “Teacher, rebuke your disciples.” “I tell you, he replied, “if they keep quiet, the stones will cry out.” What a great chance to take over, to overthrow Roman rule of “the place”. Yet we, 2000 years later, know that Jesus’ mission was not to become an earthly king, but to humble himself, even to death on a cross. This is a good time to mention what happened back in John 6:14-15: After the people saw the miraculous sign that Jesus did [feeding the 5000], they began to say, “Surely this is the Prophet who is to come into the world.” Jesus, knowing that they intended to come and make him king by force, withdrew again to a mountain by himself.

Why did Jesus do this? Because he wanted to be fully obedient to his purpose. Our purpose is to love God and to love one another. This is not easy. Remember, Jesus’ obedient love took him to the cross. Life would have been more comfortable without entering into our world, without inviting upon Himself the suffering, pain, and death that His Incarnation required. Jesus hung on a cross between Heaven and earth.

It was messy.

The implications for us are overwhelming. Those of us who want to move on from our past, those who have come to the end of the road, can start with our unchanged life, now. We don’t have to wait until we are “mature.” We don’t have to move to a new town or convince others we are serious; we simply start. We begin. We take the first bumbling, stumbling teetering steps toward the spiritual life, even if we’re not very good at it. (Mike Yaconelli, Messy Spirituality).

No matter how much we’ve grown, we still need to grow more. No matter how mature we are, we never stop maturing. And no matter how unspiritual we are, as long as we want to grow more, Jesus will show up in the life of even the messiest of disciples. Take Daryl, for example.

Every month, the youth group at River Road Church visited Holcomb Manor, a local nursing home, to hold church services for the residents. Daryl, a reluctant youth group volunteer, did not like nursing homes. For a long time, he had avoided the monthly services. But when a flu epidemic depleted the group of sponsors, Daryl agreed to help with the next month’s service, as long as he didn’t have to be part of the program.

During the service, Daryl felt awkward and out of place. He leaned against the back wall, between two residents in wheelchairs. Just as the service finished and Daryl was thinking about a quick exit, someone grabbed his hand. Startled, he looked down and saw a very old, frail, and obviously lonely man in a wheelchair. What could Daryl do but hold the man’s hand? The man’s mouth hung open, and his face held no expression. Daryl doubted whether he could hear or see anything.

As everyone began to leave, Daryl realized he didn’t want to leave the old man. Daryl had been left too many times in his own life. Caught somewhat off-guard by his feelings, Daryl leaned over and whispered, “I’m uh sorry, I have to leave, but I’ll be back. I promise.” Without warning the man squeezed Daryl’s hand and then let go. As Daryl’s eyes filled with tears, he grabbed his stuff and started to leave. Inexplicably, he heard himself say to the old man, “I love you,” and he thought, Where did that come from? What’s the matter with me?

Daryl returned the next month and the month after that. Each time it was the same. Daryl would stand in the back, Oliver would grab his hand, Daryl would say that he had to leave, Oliver would squeeze his hand, and Daryl would say softly, “I love you, Mr. Leak.” (he had learned his name, of course). As the months went on, about a week before the Holcomb Manor service, Daryl would find himself looking forward to visiting his aged friend.

On Daryl’s sixth visit, the service started, but Oliver hadn’t been wheeled out. Daryl didn’t feel too concerned at first, because it often took the nurses a long time to wheel everyone out. But halfway into the service, Daryl became alarmed. He went to the head nurse, who asked him to follow her to room 27. Oliver lay in his bed, eyes closed, breathing uneven. Daryl knew he was near death. Slowly he walked to the bed and grabbed Oliver’s hand. When he didn’t respond, tears filled Daryl’s eyes. He knew he might never see Oliver alive again. As Daryl stood to leave, he squeezed Mr. Leak’s hand for the last time. “I’m sorry, Oliver, I have to go. I love you.” As he unclasped his hand, he felt a squeeze. Now the tears were unstoppable, and Daryl stumbled to the door. A young woman was standing at the door, and Daryl almost bumped into her. He apologized. “It’s all right. I’ve been waiting to see you.” She said. “I’m Oliver’s grandaughter. I wanted to meet you. The doctors told me he was dying, so I came immediately. They said he couldn’t talk, but he’s been talking to me. Not much, but I know what he is saying. Last night he woke up. His eyes were bright and alert. He looked straight into my eyes and said, ‘Please say goodbye to Jesus for me,’ and then he laid back down and closed his eyes.

“I whispered to him, “Grandpa, I don’t need to say goodbye to Jesus; you’re going to be with him soon, and you can tell him hello.’ Grandpa struggled to open his eyes again. This time his face lit up with a mischievous smile, and he said as clearly as I’m talking to you, ‘I know, but Jesus comes to see me every month, and he might not know I’ve gone.’ He closed his eyes and hasn’t spoken since.

“I told the nurse what he’d said, and she told me about you, coming every month, holding Grandpa’s hand. I want to thank you for him, for me… and, well, I never thought of Jesus as being as chubby and bald as you, but I imagine that Jesus is very glad to have had you be mistaken for him. I know Grandpa is. Thank you.”

Oliver Leak died peacefully the next morning. If a reluctant follower like Daryl can be mistaken for Jesus, maybe you and I can, too (Mike Yaconelli, Messy Spirituality).

*Note: this message, along with others in this series, has been adapted from Peter Scazzero's book The Emotionally Healthy Church.